The first time I experienced anxiety, I wasn’t sure what it was. All I know is I awoke after a dream, or actually a nightmare, and intuitively knew that my husband had strayed. I lied in bed for a while and went to get my Bible. I just let the pages open where they may, and the Scripture that caught my eye regarded how a husband and wife, when they separate, should pray about all things so that when they come back together, they would be able to sort their indifferences out, through prayerful solitude.
We had been married for 13 years and it hadn’t been easy, but it was not a bad marriage. We had two beautiful children, and we had a brand new home. Finances weren’t great, but we were better off than most couples our age – we both had really good jobs. The hardships we’d been through held us closer together as we overcame our obstacles. I truly believed, with my whole heart, that we were together forever.
It wasn’t my physical senses that came through in my dream that night. I didn’t touch or taste anything, or see or hear anything that caused me to have that dream. It had to have been my intuition, my third eye for spiritual wisdom that gave me the insight to the trouble that was brewing, and had been brewing for some time. My husband wasn’t happy. And apparently, neither was I.
We did eventually divorce, and it was during our separation and divorce, and then after the divorce that I began learning about my spirituality. I spent a great deal of time going within, to try to understand my feelings and emotions, and to try to understand his. Well, I never did figure him out, and come to find out, that wasn’t my job anyway, just my own emotions – that’s all I’m required to do.
There was never any effort or activity associated with my ability to go within – at that time I used a crutch called pot to help me get there. It raised my vibration and helped me go beyond the obvious world I lived in and helped me concentrate and find tranquility.
In time, I was able to stop the use of the pot because I had learned to find that place that only meditation can help with. I began to understand what my true desires were, and I learned that I had not been true to myself in my marriage because of complacency. I settled for what we had obtained, even though it was truly not what I was born to be or do, or have.
But this ease and perfection of peace of mind and happiness did not happen overnight. It took years of trying, or repetition, of leaving my happy place and going back out in the world to earn a living and deal with this world, only to have that keen desire to retreat again and continue to search my soul for answers to every day questions and my purpose in life.
I began reading about life after death, and began to understand that we are all pure spiritual beings before we were ever born. That a large part of us remain spiritual even while we are physically here in this world, and that when we pass away, we still remain that pure positive spiritual being that is our Life Force.
It is said that all mental discovery and attainment are the result of desire plus concentration. The peace that brings to me is absolute tranquility. And with that tranquility brings courage, which begets confidence, which begets true happiness.
Maybe I make it sound easy, to meditate and just “allow.” But it takes a lot of work to be able to let go, take the hands off the steering wheel, have faith that all is working out, and believe. But, now that I have experienced this kind of knowing, I could never go back. So no matter how long it takes me to quiet my mind and allow myself to just “be,” to listen to my inner guidance, to embody the strength of the Universe around me, and to emanate the Love in my heart, it will just have to take as long as necessary. I concentrate on my Tranquility, and everything else just falls into place.